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The Benefits of Coaching include:
Loving solutions to anything from toddler's demands to teen issues
Resolving challenges, bringing freedom and joy to your family
Bringing peaceful cooperation into your home
Watching your children thrive through love, trust, respect, and validation
I have always considered our family a close
one. Our two boys would come to bed with us at night, each with
their book, read and fall asleep. If my husband does not travel, he
would carry them to their beds. In the morning, they would come back
in, and we would either talk or play games with them. When he is out
of town, I usually let them sleep with me and we would have the same
routines
for night time and morning time. I have always enjoyed these times,
recognizing that they would not last forever, whereas my husband would
be a
little annoyed with the boys. But, he usually acquiesced our special
times would carry on. That was and still remains one of my
favorite times with the boys.
Then the dreadful day came with my oldest....too
soon
for me to even recall exactly when. Somewhere in the middle of his 6th
grade year, my son Tag started to exhibit strong desire for
independence. One of the ways he was doing this was to stop
having close physical contact with me and my husband. Not only
was I missing this closeness, my younger son Michael was
also missing his older brother. Things got worse as Tag's
interests began to change. He was now into girls and social activities
way
much more than reading and sports. Our communications began to only
include questions and answers and very little interactions. Often
times I ended up yelling and storming upstairs. It got to a point where
I
became miserable and decided to get some help.
After only a couple of sessions with Linda I saw
all
kinds of opportunities to improve our relationship. I realize that I
was
(unintentionally) treating Tag as an incapable child needing help with
everything to make it in life -- even though I know he is smart and
mature
beyond his age -- that was just the way I learned how to
treat my children. I was always giving "how to" instructions and
parenting with a fear based philosophy. Talking to Linda helped me
see that I needed to look for the message behind the behavior. I
started
my change by telling Tag that I was robbing him of opportunities to be
independent. I started to do away with the reward and punishment model
and
implemented a win/win agreement. When the boys talk to me now I make a
conscious decision to listen to what they need versus me telling them
what I
think they need. I'd began to focus on letting the boys feel
empowered by allowing them to make decisions, both small and big. I say
yes more often and no less. Both boys, especially Tag is happier and
more
cooperative.
One rainy day last week, John was out of town so
Michael
slept in my bed. In the morning we were in bed talking about how much
more fun we used to have when Tag was part of our morning routine. We
both
agreed that we missed him terribly. Then I went and told Tag about
our conversation and he didn't say much. We went to the
bookstore later that day and each boy got to buy a few books for
summer reading. We came home and spent two hours in the basement
(thank God for a tornado warning ;-) ) reading. Even though we
were all reading and had very little conversation, I was over the moon
happy
with the time spent. That was priceless. In the
evening Tag came in to my bed with the rest of his books and
waited for me and Michael to join him. He did it on his own without
us asking. I told him how much the whole day meant to me and he
gave me the biggest smile.
Lee Giacalone - Chicago Illinois

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